i'm no good at these titles.

things have been fairly busy here in at the rapha house.  sometimes i don't even know what day it - the days here can seem like weeks.  the Canadians finally left.  you can read a bit about our last hooray with the canadians at http://raphahouseofprayer.blogspot.com/2009/10/brandon-lee.html.

about a week ago, one of the boys, Farah called me upstairs before to talk with him.  "i have something of yours, but you can't ask any questions".  i started to wonder what he could have of mine, since my door is locked, and i know what i let them borrow.  so he dug deep into his cargo pocket, and pulled out my American cellphone.  first off, i could care less if i lost this (although Laci might have some sentimental value to her old phone).  but needless to say, i was extremely baffled.  my phone was inside my suitcase, under my bed, inside my locked room.  how would one even find that?  and if one did get into my room, why didn't they take more "expensive" items, like my laptop or ipod?  he was super ashamed to give it back to me.  after a few questions, i was able to get a some answers out of him.  all the boys inside the house knew he had the phone.  all the boys in the house suggested to sell the phone.  even at that statement, i was baffled - just shows that their trust takes such a long time to earn, and the friendship we have is only at face value.  actually earlier that same day, i went with Farah into town to run some errands, and he left me when we were done.  he went to Simon, one of our friends and also a drug dealer in the streets, to help him sell the phone.  when Simon found out he had stolen the phone from me, he encouraged him to return the phone.  man, i was blown away once again.  7 boys in the house, who've we poured into day in and day out turned their back on me in a matter of seconds, whereas this guy on the streets, who we see maybe once or twice a week, who deals drugs to anybody and everybody, has more of a conscience and moral standards than i would have ever expected.  when we were in the middle of talking, Farah started to tear up, and eventually ended up crying over his actions.  he seemed truly remorseful for what he did, and even admitted to voices inside of his head, telling him what to do.  Farah in particular has a huge spiritual battle going on inside of him.  he's done this type of deal (committing something, and then confessing w/ such remorse) several times to Carly and Valerie, but to much of our disappointment, it continues to happen time and time again.  he can't seem to shake what's inside of him, and i think mainly because he truly enjoys the life that he's living.  there are days where it seem he wants to get rid of the evil spirit inside of him, but most days, he enjoys living life in the world.  he enjoys the pleasures of satan, and deals with the consequences.

from all of this, i've realized that my relationships with the boys, as well as i think they may be, i can't let my guard down with them for one second.  they may be doing "well", trying to turn their life around, but seriously, until they have the Holy Spirit inside of them, truly helping them, they still fall back to their previous ways of life.  it sucks that i can't trust these boys, that our relationships still have penetrated their souls.  but only God can move inside them and change their lives.  we're just here to be used by God.  we're just here to show these boys the unfailing love of God.

on a good note, it's been raining here off and on for the past few days.  thank the Lord for some rain.  kenya - they're in a drought.

so some prayer requests -
 - allan update - just pray for him.
 - everything we're doing here, everything we do for the guys, everything goes back to love. 
 - continual strength in the Lord - there are bouts of discouragement within leadership - we so badly want to give these boys the gift of life, give them the promised land the Lord has set aside for them, but they so badly want to continue wondering the desert, settling for mediocrity

love love love

all you need is love - the all so familiar beatles song.  it's so true, yet so hard.  i thought i had love down.  i thought i could love people, regardless of who they are.  working with the street boys has helped to show me that love is more than just a one time thing, more than helping someone cross the street, more than something i choose to do.  it's definitely something that comes from the Lord - definitely something that i cannot do on my own.


when i arrived back to Mombasa with the three Canadians (Jesse and Curtis surprised me with another Kurtis), i was so ready to get back to the house, and hit the ground running.  i was definitely sleep deprived from the overnight bus ride.  with so much going on everyday, it's sometimes hard to keep up even on a full night's sleep.  but i think with a combination of lack of sleep and not enough time spent with the Lord, and my heart not being in it as fully as i thought, i was completely out of the loop for a few days.  during meals i had nothing to share.  during the evenings, our most one-on-one time w/ the boys, i had no desire to engage in any type of conversation.  any little thing they would do, not even to me, i would harbor a bit of bitterness towards them.  when they would talk to me, i would snap back at them a quick response thus ending the conversation.  i had absolutely no desire to be around them, despite my whole reason for being here.


i quickly realized that the love that i have for these boys is definitely not something that i can do on my own.  i cannot love them with my own strength like i thought.  i thought that maybe i would need a little boost from God to give me that extra love since i've never worked with such a people group.  but definitely not.  i to be completely filled with His love day in and day out.  and i can sense when i have no more love to hand out to these boys.

more recently, as i wanted to post this sometime last week, we've had even more visitors.  Valerie's dentist - Dr. Harty - and two other ladies, visited for a total of 30 hours.  we were a little bummed that their visit was so short, but the Lord proved to be in charge of the time they spent here.  from 5:30 with our breakfast devos, they were on the go, making the most of their time spent here.  during the day, they were involved with our prayer meetings, and also helped Whitney out with her outreach to young street boys.  during dinner, Dr. Harty and Kurtis shared some power testimonies that got the boys thinking quite a bit.  the Lord definitely had His presence in this house that whole day, and i know that the boys felt something different.  after testimonies, several of them joined us for prayer, and said they felt a sense of peace within the room.  i mean, come on, if you walk into a room, and are hit with a wall of peace, you know that somethings going on.

allan update -
allan has been doing well.  he doesn't seem to have the same eagerness about the Lord that he had a week ago.  but he hasn't slipped back into his old habits again.  i think that the Lord is still working in his heart.

also, samuel and mohamed.  both have shown extreme interest in changing their lives, but still haven't made a commitment.  so if you could keep these three boys in your prayers, we all would appreciate it.

ps - you should check out http://raphahouseofprayer.blogspot.com